If I hear (blank) one more time, I’ll scream

September 30, 2008 at 4:39 am (Uncategorized)

I’ve been hearing things that piss me off lately. Maybe I’m just sensitive.

The format is, If I hear (this thing said) one more time, I’ll scream. And I really, really will.

If I hear “Girl Scout leaders’ kids always get the shaft” one more time, I’ll scream. Partly because it’s true. But I volunteered to lead my daughter in scouting because I wanted a part in helping her become a fearless young woman with great leadership qualities and skills. The day I am spending less time with my daughter and more time in administration is the day I will quit.

If I hear “you know, grades are so important” one more time, I’ll scream. Because they’re not important. Yes, they are a vehicle. But I got good grades as a kid, and then I got bad grades. I got into college, goofed off a lot, got so-so grades, still got a job with health insurance and everything. I appreciate that people want kids to build positive habits and be disciplined, because it’s much easier to start that when you’re young than pick back up on it when you, say, have three kids and a mortgage. But the truth is, your grades are a tiny part of who you will become. In the end, your grades don’t mean crap to anyone but you and whoever pestered you to spend more time doing homework than playing outside when you were in the third grade.

If I hear “I don’t have time to come on field trips / eat lunch with my kid sometimes / come to the book fair / even attempt to meet the teacher face-to-face more than once a year” one more time, I’ll scream. I can show you a couple of parents who really can’t do these things. They are divorced through no fault of their own, and are working two jobs to make ends meet for their kids. But if you are living in River Woods or Cahaba Falls or pay more than $1500 a month for your house and are complaining about “having to work so much” then take a look in the mirror. You do not need a $300k house. Your children need you in their lives. When I come to school to help the class or the teacher, or to the stupid Boosterthon Fun Run, your kids cry because you’re not there doing something, not even once during the year. Again, you do not need a $600 a month car payment and a $2000 a month house payment (I’m speaking relative to my area, for my outside readers). You are being greedy and have your priorities screwed up. Your children want you in their lives, they do not want to be one more stop in a fast-paced day.

If I hear “I’m a single-issue voter” one more time, I’ll scream.

Wait, no, I won’t. Because I’m a single issue voter. My issue is liberty. Screw the Patriot Act. Screw No Child Left Behind. Don’t make me explain to the government why my child is absent from school for a few days while we visit relatives out of town, and then make me beg for it to be excused. Don’t stress my kids out by forcing standardized testing on them every year between 3rd and 8th grades.

Don’t expect me to kiss your butt to be your friend. I am a compassionate, kind, friendly, outgoing person, but I will not tell you what you want to hear just to validate your feelings.

(This is coming about partly because I am convinced that next Tuesday, under general anesthesia, I will go under and never wake up. I need to get my assistant Girl Scout troop leader to attend training with me so she can be prepared at the end of October when I can’t take them camping because I am in a coma.)


  1. Brian said,

    Rant ON!!!

  2. Bama Belle said,

    Girl let it all out!!!! I promise if you are in a coma, I will come visit you and make sure they are shaving your legs! LOL

  3. MissBossyPants said,

    Brian, I will rant on! I look forward to reading your rant soon. After your tweet about going to the shooting range, I can imagine you’ll have something good to read.

    Jessica, please do. Make sure they shave my pits, too. Thanks.

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