Crazy Times, and letters to sarah and ella

July 19, 2008 at 3:52 am (Uncategorized)

Lots has been happening with Miss Bossy Pants and all the folks who live here in the Loudest House on the Block (really, even louder than the house down the street).

Earlier this week, a dear old friend send me an email from out of the blue. She had some wonderful news to share–a marriage, a pregnancy–and I got the feeling she was looking for a little encouragement. You know, “oh, marriage and parenthood are wonderful, Sarah. You’ve done the right thing.” Ha! I tell you, woman, run for the hills! Before it’s too late!

Mostly kidding there…Sarah and I have a long, loving, and bruised history. I was as excited to hear from her as I was when Ella, my roller-derby lesbian social worker friend from high school, contacted me through Facebook. We were all friends at one point, and when lives start to take diverging paths it’s easy to forget the things that held you together with certain folks. I feel like Gordie in “Stand By Me,” when he says (and I badly paraphrase) that you never have friends again like you do when you’re 12 (in my case it’s 17 but you know, I am still friends with people I knew when I was 12, too).

I think this is true because of adolescence. We’re at our best and our worst at 16. We can be catty, jealous, and petty while at the same time discovering the depths of compassion and unconditional love / affection / acceptance. I remember my first real and true heartbreak, the kind that sunk down into my chest and made my stomach burn. I’d left the boy I loved in Ohio when I was forced by the government to move to Montgomery, Alabama (Air Force kid). And then he, after pledging his eternal love for me, went bonkers and went out with every girl in my old high school, even having sex with one of them (a senior, no less). Yes, we were 15 and 16, so it seemed much worse at the time. And I had these three guy friends in my new town–Jason, Sean, and Matt–who listened to every sob and hysterical moment I had, and offered all kinds of awful revenge tactics in their efforts to help me feel better. Now, of course, the boy in question is married to this awesome woman, and I am married to an amazing man (he’s smart and looks good in Spandex–how’s that for a deadly combo?), and we are friends.

See, when you’re 16 you feel the world will end when something bad or sad happens. You almost wish it would. And when you’re 32, you are so jaded, you know that it won’t end. In fact, it will go on and on and on, and holding on to your heartaches just makes it drag more.

Thank you, Sarah, for telling me your good news. I love being in touch with you. I like it because I see that we are, at our cores, authentically friends. We have more that binds us together than your crazy ass older-man-boyfriend who tried to kiss me, and drunken teenage romps we should really be ashamed of but are still so fun to remember.

Sarah, we have Anne Sexton and Anne Danziger, and Kevin. I still have all those pictures of Kevin! And we have Alex, dear sweet wonderful beautiful Alex, and I have my Alex now. And I am assuming you will also have an Alex, since Sharon and Eric also have Alexes. And we have Jerry, Gerald, and that trip to Tuscaloosa where Dalton and Gina drove us mad, with all those boys calling all night! We have Gary. We have NOTA, but thank God we have more than NOTA because I would like to remember things from my senior year in high school that didn’t involve underage drinking, older men and their crazy almost-ex-wives, and my gay boyfriend (and my gay friend who couldn’t help but put the moves on my gay boyfriend even though we were still together). We have Mr. Brown, the diction coach and stage combat teacher. And never forget H.O.T.S.

Ella, I know you come here, too, sometimes. Heather asked me so many times if I knew where you were. I love you. We had our moments, didn’t we? My poor old truck being broken down in front of your house for days while I waited for my dad to get back to town so we could replace the alternator. Flashing all the people in my neighborhood the night that you, Melissa, and meredith spent at my house (my mom’s birthday weekend and she was so thrilled to have you guys stay over–she loved you). tori Amos, the first album that wasn’t Y Kant Tori Read. Being friends with Tracy, back in the day. Now, in our thirties, I am glad to see that while our daily lives may be very different, we always had more connecting us than music and movies and me almost killing you in that car wreck that nearly ruined us forever.


thank you for indulging my private/public moment there.


Today at the Helena Publix, a girl got in line behind me in, oh, let’s say it was aisle 8. I had five million things in my cart and she had a magazine and a bottle of wine. Despite my five millions things, and the fact that no one was in the “10 items or less” lane, she stayed. The cashier asked for her ID, and as I was walking out, she left empty handed. A couple of minutes later, she approached a lady in a car who had a form and was asking questions.

At first I thought it was weird that this cute girl in a Thompson Warriors teeshirt would be buying wine. I look young, too, though, so I thought maybe she’s a teacher or something there. But it appears that I caught a mystery shop in progress. They must have been checking to see if the cashiers were checking IDs thoroughly. So don’t go into the Helena Publix with your Yale shirt on and think you’ll buy some St. Pauli Girl just because you look like you’re 30.


We’re experimenting with our two daughters sharing a bedroom, which they haven’t done since the youngest was an infant. They’re starting kindergarten and first grade and we just need the space for something else now. We have four bedrooms and a basement but I think it’s good for them to share a room. Maybe they’ll keep a smaller space neater. Ha.


Next weekend will be a kids-at-grandparents’ weekend, and my husband and his friend are moving all the old race cars, car parts, and racing tires out of our garage! I couldn’t be more excited, seriously. I have been after him for years to do this. We also have plans to see the Batman movie. Yay. Nothing more romantic than film noir angst and a good steak and martini!



  1. HEWY said,

    Wow, that is alot, old friends, a Publix sting operation, I here Batman is really good ..waitaminute…is that THE SARAH?

    btw my Sunday post is about loudest houses on the block…you need to read it. I think the city council had you in mind…;)

  2. Leigh said,

    Oh! Old friends are the best! So happy that you have gotten reaquainted. I hope many fond memories shape your future.

  3. Sarah said,

    I had completely forgotten about H.O.T.S, and you can imagine my glee when I read that. Oh, H.O.T.S!

    I think we have more love than bruises. I don’t know. Love hurts. We’ve talked about this before, how I’ve completely forgotten some of the bad stuff, and that’s really not like me, either (sadly enough). I sure remember being young and immature, though, yet feeling way too old at the same time.

    I’m just so glad that we’re in touch again. So, so glad. I’ve missed you.

    (Am I THE SARAH?? I’m frightened by that; it’s way too ominous. I don’t know if I want to be THE SARAH or not. Ack.)

  4. MissBossyPants said,

    Hewy: our loudness occurs in the early mornings. I wish the whole street could be silent by 8 pm so I could rest in peace. Har.

    Leigh: I miss you!!! We’ll surely run into one another in a parking lot, right?

    Sarah: Yes, you’re THE SARAH, but I don’t think the one he was talking about 😉 Alex’s best little school friend is named Sarah Elizabeth. Isn’t that funny?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: