It’s 11 pm, let’s rearrange the furniture

May 9, 2008 at 5:12 pm (Uncategorized)

Have you noticed that the things you were attracted to in your spouse are the things that eventually drive you crazy?

He liked my creativity and laid-back attitude. I liked the fact that he was really smart and would make lots of money (ha ha, just kidding–at the time we were sure he’d be a math prof like his dad and that means no money). He was driven and focused. Am I driven and focused? Not really. I can be on occasion, but it’s not part of my makeup. Him? He’s all about focus and drive.

my creativity and laid-back attitude have evolved into a sort of overzealous laxity. I make sure we are fed, bathed, have a reasonable amount of clean clothes, and everyone has books to read and paper to write on and draw on. I expend a lot of energy planning things, taking care of appointments, tying up loose ends. I am at a good level of social and community success–meaning I have enough friends to be beneficial and enough community involvement to feel I’m making an impact.

My husband is at the opposite spectrum. His work requires him to be focused and driven, so it’s a good match for him. He’s uncomfortable in lots of social situations, like when my girlfriends come over and we point and laugh at him (just kidding–we don’t point and laugh, we just become terribly obnoxious). In college, of course, we hung out with his math department friends. One of my worst memories is seeing Highlander 3 with math guys. That movie stunk to high heaven.

I hung out with his friends. Fortunately they were all really nice guys and I got along great with them, even hanging out when he was not around. But he was not into my friends. Newspaper people he didn’t get along with, English dept people he didn’t get along with, SGA people he didn’t get along with…

As a result we don’t have any couple friends. It’s sad. My parents always had couple friends. I mean, we do have some, but not people that we say, “hey bring everyone over Saturday night and we’ll cook out.”

He has some close friends but their wives in general aren’t crazy over me. I can’t figure out why. Remember when we went to Hawaii in 2005 and I was so excited about meeting his best friend’s wife (they live in NJ)? And she hated me. To this day we can’t figure it out. I was planning on us becoming buddies and taking vacations together and stuff. Naive, I know. It certainly wasn’t that I’m better looking or smarter or wealthier or anything like that.

So I need to scout out another couple to become friends with. Where the wife is a good match for me humor-wise and the husband can sit around and talk cycling and technology and Formula One racing with my husband–and of course defer to my husband and let him sound smarter because that’s what he likes.

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2 Comments

  1. Leigh said,

    Who couldn’t love a Bossy Pants? And if they dont then they are losers and not worth the worry.
    And- I choked when I saw that harsh comment about Highlandser. I LOVE that movie (I can hear the Queen song in my head now…..)

  2. Drama Mama said,

    That is really funny- I hope y’all find some fun/social/smart/technical/focused friends to hang out with- I have some friends that are just like y’all- the husband will tag along and just watch from a distance when my friend does her little social thing, like drink and cut up with the other women at the party!
    Big Daddy is the social planner in this marriage- We call him Cruise director! You know like Julie on the Love Boat! Sometimes, he really makes me tired with it all though- Like He just came in here and said he needed to use the computer so he could arrange a cook out at our house! He can be over the top with it all- MAJOR Over the top!

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