Not Necessarily a Grudge Match

April 24, 2008 at 7:20 pm (Uncategorized)

I’ve never been one to hold a grudge. Mr. BossyPants is the grudgeholder, the one with the long-term memory for bad experiences. But right now I am holding on to two different things that I fear will poison my soul if I don’t throw them to the fire.

One issue is a friend who, as her financial and social circumstances in life have changed, has also adapted some behaviors that seem to me foreign to her being. Of course, since I’m Miss BossyPants and not Her, I can’t know absolutely for sure that this is the case. Maybe she’s had this in her all along and it just didn’t have the opportunity to come out. I like to believe otherwise. A mutual close acquaintance of ours is expecting her fifth child. My friend used to think like me, the more kids the better (I really do believe that, no apologies). My friend told me she thought it was “irresponsible” of her, and that “so and so had to buy her milk and bread this week becauase they already don’t have the money for the kids they’ve got!”

Hold on, I said. So and so didn’t have to do anything for this woman. Even if our mutual acquaintance asked her for help, she was still not bound to offer it. If she sees herself as an enabler by helping feed this woman’s family, then she shouldn’t do it! If out of kindness and charitably love she chose to provide something for them, it was her choice to do so. Maybe she complained about it, but her conscience obviously told her she should help.

So my friend’s attitude has me bothered and I cannot let go. I’m avoiding talking to her, seeing her, spending time with this person I love.

The second issue involves someone who’s not a friend. We attend the same adult class on Sunday mornings and this guy is a nut. He was supposed to do a presentation on Catholicism and what other Christians can learn from Catholics, but instead spewed a good fifteen minutes full of lies, filth, and damn lies (and statistics problably!). I even found the leader’s guide for this particular study we’re doing (I’m new to the class but there’s apparently not an official facilitator or anything for the class, we’re all taking turns presenting parts of the study) to see if maybe that’s what the author had in mind. Nope.

I am new to the class and a little timid about bringing this up. I don’t want to cause a stir necessarily, but this is a topic I know a lot about. I spent the better part of two years studying Catholicism with great people before converting in 2000 at Prince of Peace Church in Hoover. For various reasons I won’t even get into here, I am no longer practicing and am searching for a theological home (United Methodism seems a good place to be doing this, a nice combination of thinking and doing). However, I was the most Catholic of the Catholics I knew. I went to the most orthodox of the parishes in the metro area. I prayed the rosary daily, participated in Eucharistic adoration, was in an altar guild, attended daily Mass at the Cathedral when I worked downtown, studied St Therese and St Francis…So I feel justified in complaining that this guy’s account of Catholicism was not only unjust to Catholics, but also robbed those of us in the class of the chance to learn some great and enriching practices that are part of Catholics’ lives.

Blah blah blah blah blah. Bleh kowerjnvvadpoh. I’fma uiefrf da;idfa . God bless you if you’re still reading this.

My fear is losing the friendship with the first friend–though we have been friends for a long time and had plenty of disagreements. My fear with the second is alienating myself from a group I really want to a part of (the man in question here is, shall we say, unique in the group).

I need your thoughts on this because we’re too broke to pay my therapist.



  1. Nicci said,

    Maintaining a friendship is like a marriage, it takes hard work and if it is worth the effort then a friendship can be saved. first you have to see if this new “outlook” friend one has about friend two are just because she is in a different situation now or was that her true colors all along and an opportunity just came up for you to see threw the rose-colored glasses?
    Religion is a tuff issue, We were brought up catholic but over time we have changed to Methodist. I have been going once a month to moms ministry with a friend (I am not even sure of the religion of this church) and have kept quite about certain topics of discussion in class not to feel like the outsider. I am sure that is not the right thing to do but I understand your feelings and thoughts. I simply brought facts from articles and books to the next meeting to contradict the original speaker under the guise of ‘lets look at this from another angle’ (jerkoff) LOL

  2. MissBossyPants said,

    Nic: this friend and I have been close for the better part of ten years. Right now I am really hormonal and think I need to wait a while before I address it with her. A different situation has arisen just since I posted this piece and it’s getting more complicated. Yikes. Sometimes I wish I lived on an island with no one but my little family.

  3. Leigh said,

    I hope that things work out with your friend. I think Nicci was right on the money with both instances. Both are tough circumstances though. I am thinking about you!

  4. Leigh said,

    BTW- I am also looking for island real estate….

  5. Kelly said,

    Hugs and Love! It will all work out the way it should. And I’m here for ya! Always.

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