I put up the damn tree, and decorated it too

December 15, 2007 at 6:23 am (Uncategorized)

The whole fiasco reminds me why I want to be a Jew. Of course, our little tin chanukiah nearly burnt the kitchen down last Chanukah, but that beats the fights that break out around Christmas trees in my house.

I got a rash from the tree. It’s this huge artificial thing, pre-lit and all. It’s a nice tree. We got it half price at Sears right after Christmas 1999. Let me mention here that I actually put the tree up a few days ago. My way of doing Christmas tree crap is that the tree stays empty a few days and then we put stuff up a bit at a time.

Tonight I thought we would have a nice time decorating the tree. Doesn’t everybody think they’ll have a “nice time” doing something with the kids? The evening ended in a near-fistfight between my four- and five-year-old daughters when one knocked into the Christmas tree and sent the other’s beautiful glittery glass Merck Family’s Old World Christmas swallowtail butterfly ornament to the ground.

It was a glittery and dangerous crash, like a disco ball had shattered at a New Year’s Eve party. And then there was typical little-girl-sister screaming.

After that I fed them pizza and made them watch television while I locked myself in my bedroom for a few minutes. Really, sometimes there’s not enough vodka in the world.



  1. MRMacrum said,

    Makes you wonder why so many folks wax nostalgic about the Christmas-es of their youth. Seems I remember incidents like your daughter feud playing themselves out on a regular basis in my house growing up.

    Quiet contemplation and peaceful existance seems to only happen after the vodka bottle has been emptied. That was my dad’s remedy anyway.

  2. MissBossyPants said,

    Well I’m not saying it’s the best solution (the vodka) but sometimes your happy place has to find you.

  3. Leigh said,


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